Top 10 List of Better Outcomes for Baby William

Okay, so to set this up properly, I didn't watch this episode ("William") of The X-Files from Season Nine. And I can't see myself ever watching it. What I know of it is from reviews and commentary that I only recently allowed myself to delve into (i.e., within the past seven months) as part of this "X-Files 20th anniversary adventure". Until now, I had only known that the baby had been given up for adoption at some point; I did not know the circumstances surrounding that decision nor did I know who ultimately made that decision. I didn't even know when exactly in S9 the deed took place, prior to my recent research.

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on why William's exit was unrealistic and unbelievable. Any X-Files fan worth his or her salt knows why. And it goes without saying that this story arc should never have been allowed to go as far as it did. Someone should have had the courage to drive a stake through this thing, long before the creators found themselves boxed into a two inch corner by it. (Made a mistake with the pregnancy thing? Sure, end it before she shows. Made the mistake of actually having her give birth? Fine, have the kid be taken away; pronto! Made the mistake of having the baby turn out to be part alien and "special"?? What-ever, man... now you're screwed!)

I have no way of knowing how much of the events of this particular episode was David Duchovny's doing, since it was not actually written by him. I have read bits and pieces about him being confused as to how to direct certain scenes from this hour, so it's clear that the story idea that he contributed may not have turned into the script that he intended. In my mind, it could still have been CC and FS who so inappropriately decided that a closed adoption was the best way to end the story of William.

No matter. Whoever was actually responsible, please take a few moments to review my top ten list of better outcomes for Baby William... drum roll please:

#10... Succumbed to the latest and greatest contagion, the cure for which may or may not be controlled by the government.
#9... Boiled down and fed to chickens by a cult whose members have incredibly long lives.
#8... Took a cruise to the Norwegian "Bermuda Triangle" where he quickly aged; he then...
#7... Traveled back in time to prevent his odd and unnatural conception... and succeeds.
#6... Sucked to death by Son of Flukeman.
#5... Pushed by Robert Modell's evil triplet to play with matches and set himself on fire.
#4... Kidnapped by a backwoods boy who will do anything — and I mean anything — for his mother.
#3... Whisked away by children travelling in starlight.
#2... Encountered his doppelganger at day care and fought him to the death.
#1... GOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN!

After all, isn't all of that what The X-Files is about, anyway?? At the height of the show, did anyone hope to see extended storylines regarding mommyhood, baby carriages and giving up special kids for adoption? In the words of one of my feedbackers, why were CC/FS so determined to turn The X-Files into a goddamn SOAP OPERA?

Season Nine: "oh my freakin' Christ"

Okay, so this is an indulgence... I never watched any S9 episodes, so to summarize the season may seem presumptuous, if not outright unfair. (And the above words were not — to my knowledge — ever uttered by anyone in connection to S9; it's all me.)

But for all of the catch phrases that were associated with this show, the plain truth is that the truth was never out there. At least not in any believable format. And this, from someone who "wanted to believe". Trust no one? I guess in the end, that means don't trust the creators of this show to do it any final justice.

First of all, did they really think that viewers would protest if William had been taken by aliens? (That's got to be a rhetorical question, because they seem not to care a whit when viewers protest.) Would it have been too predictable? Did that option seem so sour to them that they would instead go for the totally insane, out of character move by Dana Scully to put her son up for adoption after going through what she went through to have him? (For a bit of fun, check out my next posting tomorrow when I will unveil the Top Ten List of Better Outcomes for Baby William.)

Of course, the whole baby story arc should not have been introduced into what was already a messy mythology at the end of S7. So many things still needed be cleared up that adding a "special baby" was the last thing that any of us needed. As I've said, TXF literally took on the worst aspects of fan fiction when that storyline was allowed to persist. Oh, and if I thought that the mythology had been hard to follow up until then, it apparently became totally muddled and convoluted through S8 and S9.

If you want to see something hilarious, go to YouTube and do a search on "david duchovny gillian anderson paley center October 2013". The two of them appeared together last fall for an intimate live interview session and even although the moderator is a bit "nebbishy", the session is quite entertaining as a gauge for how memorable the last parts of TXF were. (And I get that as TV/film actors, you play a scene so many times over that you may or may not care to see the completed, pieced together version of what you're doing. Over seven, eight and nine seasons, unless an episode is particularly memorable, I don't doubt that things are easily forgotten over time.)

While the two of them recall specific details from the beginning and early periods of the show (and by and large, David seems to remember more things than Gillian), the revelations about how the series ended seemed like news to them. Gillian appears to have wiped out pretty much all of the events from S8 and S9 (no blaming her there), judging by her reactions and her various surprised queries, including "what the f--k is magnetite??" and "where was our kid at the time?" From David, we got assorted interjections like "I'm dying to know how it ends..." and "that's crazy s--t" and "it's just a little too far-fetched..."

Yep. That about sums it up. Funny in one way, but a sadly lost opportunity in so many others.

Oh, and Billy Miles... (you'll get the joke if you check out the video).